I finished work around 17:30, a little later than I am supposed too, and I started at 7am as well! I’ve really got to put my all in this week as my boss is away on leave, so I really want to prove to everyone in management that I am capable in this role in the hope that I can do really well in my future career endeavours.
I’ve just sat down, cuddled up in my new blanket and put on a movie. I am watching The Theory Of Everything… So far, it is such an inspiring movie and has really made me think about my career and educational decisions in life. I am a bright, intellectual girl with a lot going for me. I have a high IQ, I grew up in a loving home, a western world and studied at a fantastic university. So, why do I feel like I am not settled, and there is more meant for me?
I sometimes toy with the idea of going back to university and doing an access course into Medicine. Swansea University is one of the only Universities in the UK to offer this. If I did choose to start my life down this path that would mean up and moving to the other side of the country, starting fresh, and new. I also think about applying to Cambridge, to study for a PhD in Film and Screen which was introduced as a new course this year. Maybe I could do that? It isn’t too far from London, or my family.
Then there is the other option, moving abroad. I am learning to speak Norwegian. At the moment I can understand a conversation (just about), but I don’t feel confident enough to hold one. My friends are really understanding with me and humour me when I speak it and are really helpful. But I am still months and months away from feeling entirely fluent. Then again, the whole country speaks English – so what’s stopping me?
I’ve been in my new job for a few months now and I do really enjoy it. It offers me a lot of prospects for my future that I hadn’t considered before. Hitting 25 at the weekend was a bit of an eye opener for me. Not only did my Grandmother tell me she was worried that I hadn’t settled down yet, or started a family, I realised I am not actually anywhere near ready to settle down! Let alone start a family! That prospect terrifies me. It just sounds so final and dull!
I want to enjoy life for a while, love someone, travel, smile, sit in my room and eat pizza if I want too. Stay up till 2am with my friends and future partner drinking cocktails and laughing at myself. But what scares me even more, is I don’t want that to change. I don’t want to become a boring generic stereotype of a British woman. I don’t really think any of us do deep down.
So as of last night, when the clock struck 23:57, and I turned 25 (yes I was born at that time, and yes my birthday is the 7th not the 8th) I decided that I would take every day as it comes and do exactly what I want to do! So, right now I have just ordered myself a huge pizza, I have some lactase tablets which I can have to stop myself getting sick (thank goodness for those magical things), and I am going to watch a movie in my PJ’s eat pizza, colour in my mindfulness book and not care about anything else until I have to get up for work!
Next year I am going to go travelling. There is the possibility that I am going to go with someone new in my life, who has turned out to be a pretty amazing, and fits into my life in pretty much every aspect right now… The best thing I like about that is, there is no pressure. None. Nothing what so ever. We are completely new to each others lives in every way, and that for me is perfect. I have never laughed so much, smiled so much or felt so at ease with myself. It really is great to suddenly hit that point where you feel like that and realise: ‘yeah lets see what happens, you’re cool, I’m cool’ (though I do get called a loser a lot..). I guarantee I get called a loser for writing this paragraph.
Anyway, from all that rabble I have discovered this one thing:
‘It is ok to never be ready, because that is when you truly know you are’
I have no idea who said that first, but it is a little thing that came to me after talking to a few people and reading a lot of books. So because of that, I think its wise for you all to just do whatever you want whenever you want! Stop worrying about what could, will or might happen because we never really know! Literally never!